I recently read a piece on Today's Tmrrw's site about a lady who was fed up with guys taking her on regular dates to BBQ's and the alike. Then I had a conversation with another female who said that she just cut off a guy that took her out to Fridays. In both cases I immediately wanted to know what was wrong with their choices, trying to find out more information and to defend my male counterpart.

So what did I find out. Well even in this new age of women's equality and independence women don't want to be so equal when it comes to dating. The men they meet are expected to select, plan, and pay for these dates. Let me go on record to say now, that I'm pretty different and outgoing when going on dates and that I have no problem selecting, planning or paying for a date. But at some point I too want to see what your working with when it comes to selecting, planning, and paying. With that said, ladies you aren't wrong for still holding onto this tradition, but you are wrong. Give me a minute, before I get into why y'all are wrong.

In the piece I read, she went on to pose different and new options for guys wishing to take a female out. They were great options, I agree with them they would be something I'd try as first or date options. But I think she should have given this guy a chance, she could have simply suggested a different option. Something the two of them actually planned out. The second instance, she gave him a chance and went out to Fridays. Her breaking point was on another occasion he asked was she going to pay. I'm going to simply call her bougie, there are some other reasons why but no need to discuss just know she's bougie in my eyes.

Okay so back to where I think the ladies are wrong at and I ask that you look at this objectively.

1) Don't judge a book by its cover without reading a few pages. But it goes back to something I've asked women before. Where are you meeting these men and how is the initial approach and following conversation. It will tell you a lot about the impending dates or possible relationship.

2) I truly find this one comes one of two ways; angrily/bougie or not at all. I'll explain, if you don't like the dates pick that's okay. But as you express your dislike with it don't come off as angry, BOUGIE, condescending, or unappreciative. Secondly, a closed mouth doesn't get fed. If you don't like the option make sure you express that.

3) While planning out a date out together may take away from the surprise aspect, you have to keep in mind a few things. You ladies are no longer satisfied with the simple (not saying you have to be) which means you should put some say into it then. Now, this doesn't remove him for the payment aspect of the date, it just will be something you two definitely agree on. But since the date was planned out together, an adult conversation should be had on who is paying.

4) Struggle with me, it's truly as simple as that. Maybe right now I or he just doesn't have it, but otherwise he's a decent guy, so why not?

5) What happen to an "A" for effort, because at least he's tired. It wasn't a over come over and chill. It wasn't so when you gonna invite me over. What is was though was if you have time can I take you out? From there I think you work with him to find a reasonable date.

I see it like this, they both were being real with you. Both seemed fitting enough to have your number, seemed fitting enough for you to converse with, but why not accompanying on a date. They were honest and real, they weren't faking a funk of treating you to a spot they couldn't afford. On top of it all don't be so quick to dismiss, no telling what was to come later. Maybe BBQ's or Fridays is there favorite spot and on the next date they would have done something different or maybe better. I remember once I was meeting a female for a first date; I'm more of a Manhattan, nice afterwork lounge spot type of guy. So I originally suggested a spot in the city, Skyroom, check it out if you've never been, but she wanted to do Applebee's. For her it was a more comfortable setting, more to her liking, it wasn't on the top of my list and I would be the one paying but ay whatever. I went and we had a good time over drinks and appetizers. So it's not fully about where it's more about the conversation, interaction, and feeling after. Don't be BOUGIE, take a chance you never know how it may pay off. 
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Rum-Punch Drunk said...

Oh yes and don't get me started. Some ladies have missed out on some very good opportunities of long lasting loving relationships because they were too busy looking at the wallet instead of listening to the conversation. The word compromise comes to mind. Who's to say that the man wanted to see what type of person she was before getting fully involved? So he invited her to a BBQ or Fridays, just to see what she'd be interested in ie: him or the place. You just never know.

As for who pays. Either discuss it beforehand, or they could always go 'dutch' - split the bill in two. If money is an issue, cook at home, bag it up and sit have a picnic somewhere. Very romantic with a nice bottle of wine. I just think that some women take it too far, that's why they are sitting home alone most of the time - and I'm not trying to be rude, it's fact.

A quick story - years ago a couple in church wanted to get married, 90% of the church said no, even the pastor because the man was not in work, but the woman didn't care as they loved each other. They had the cheapest wedding money could buy and budgeted carefully. Not long after he found work. Theory, I wish you could see them now, still happily married, nice home etc and the woman is in want of nothing, and I mean nothing. If she had listened to those folk, she would have lost him. Members of the church even apologized for their behavior at the time towards the couple. This is a true story.