In the previous piece, I talked about the difference between men and women knowing what they wanted out of the opposite sex and from that knowing where it could take you. Well I want to pose a solution.


This is something I would recommend to everyone, men and women alike. I title it "The Process". Back in the day men would process their hair to make it straight and well women still do it today, they call it getting a perm. So I guess were perming our lives.

The goal or goals at the end of this process, are to 1. Be comfortable with being single. 2. Have some or a better understanding of what it is you want out of future relationships and your partner. 3. Be more comfortable and understand yourself better.

Step 1: Cut off past or potential relationships connections, one of your goals is to be comfortable with being single, this cannot be achieved if you are still engaging with people who are looking to court you in a relationship.

Step 2: Find a hobby or become involved in projects you've been wanting to accomplish for sometime. Being that you've cut off the relationship option you will probably find you have more time on your hands. Get engage or involved with those things.

Step 3: Take some time to focus on yourself, evaluate the past mistakes you've made in and out of past relationships. Evaluate what it is you truly want out of life, future partners and relationships. Get beyond the simple things, of happiness, trust, honor, family, those things should be a given if your getting in a relationship. Look to find what's beyond that.

Step 4: Put together a list of standards and qualities that your future potential partners should have. At this point in the process, you should have stop thinking about the unrealistic and focusing on the real. So when putting this list together make sure they are things achievable not only within themselves but within yourself. It’s unrealistic to ask something of the next person if it’s not even attainable in yourself. You can't want them to have a college degree, if you don't have one or aren't even in school to receive one.

Step 5: Let go of all past faults in relationships. By now from the evaluation of self and putting together the list you should realize that you are not perfect and the people you have previously encountered aren't perfect neither that you are growth in progress and that people you meet in the future will be the same. Its like the song says, Nobody's Perfect.

Step 6: The last thing you need to complete is a small list or criteria on how one actually gets the opportunity to get your number or take you out. Its not wholly physical its not wholly mental. Appearance, Approach, Conversation, the way one is dress does say a lot about them, are they well put together even if its jean and sneakers or a suit and tie. As soon as you entered the room did they immediately come over, try and engage you in conversation, or did they try and feel you out a little bit, have they walked by once or twice, have you two caught eyes a few times, did they take the time to see if you were even interested. How do they articulate themselves, anyone can rehearse some jokes and whisper them in your ear. The same way a bum on the street can say you are looking good, but did they come at you with respect and what seems to be a decent approach or want to see where your head is? Were the first lines; you look good (insert laugh) thank you, or was it excuse my name is ___, I just wanted to come by introduce myself and to let you know that you've been catching my eye, you look good. (YES, both men and women can go with this)

Step 7: This is the new you, you have a new look about yourself, you have a new glow. Embrace it, it wasn't easy to get here; but you have reached. The things to remember are what brought you to the point of needing the process DON'T REPEAT. Remember that you can always go back to any steps of the process and repeat them. There will be no need to go looking for love or the next relationship, remember that glow, it will find you. Lastly don't be afraid to spread the advice to the next person.
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