First I would like to thank Ayla for her participation in this piece. I applaud your perseverance through everything you've been through and applaud your ability to be open about it all even more. Ladies and Gentlemen this is an interview of a young mom; her thoughts, feelings, her struggles, and hopes. Read along on what she has to say about her views on sex then & now, her parents solution to her pregnancy, and the dreams she has for her daughter. Also stay tune for the part 2, as another young mom tells her story.




What are your views on sex now?

Honestly, I have contradicting views on it now, in one way I feel like its still something I think freely about, just do it if you want to. In other ways I don’t want my actions to reflect on my daughter. On what she might grow up and find acceptable and unacceptable. Do it and have fun but at the same time I’m like don’t do it because I don’t want her to follow in my footsteps.

What about on dating and marriage?

I want to discuss marriage, first. Given my circumstance it’s not at the top of my list like it was about 3 to 4 years ago.  Now I’m like if it happens Yay, if it doesn’t then okay. Follow up: After my daughter father’s past, I didn’t feel pretty, it just felt hard to get back in the game. I started feeling like he was the only person that found me and my qualities attractive. How does that affect dating now? I wouldn’t put myself in the category of dating, I’m just taking things how they come, I don’t take guys to heart anymore. I feel like I’m the guy now, I’m dictating how things are going to be.

How old we're you when you found out you were pregnant?

I was 21 getting ready to turn 22. I found out in the end August.

What were your views on sex then?

Before my daughter, I was really just set on monogamy. I was at the point where I had already done it, so now it was on staying with that one person. My biggest thing was staying with him and only him.

What were they on dating, marriage, and kids?

Dating, I was content with being him, I could have planned my marriage then when we met at 14. As for kids, we really didn’t want kids. We spoke about adopting though, but kids wasn’t something neither of us wanted. We had our hiatus moments, but for the most part I was about him and being with him.

What were you first thoughts about being pregnant? How did he react?

Wow!! My first thoughts were, I was very shocked, but I wasn’t shocked my body told me way before any test. I will admit though I took four test, and they weren’t even the cheap ones, I just thought they were wrong. But by the fourth one I just knew. Like I knew by the first one, because as soon as I pee’d on the stick it turned blue. But I was scared, how I was going to tell my parents. But he was fine, I remember calling him and he just asked “what’s wrong.” And I said “it looks like were going to be having a little one” and he just said “okay!” He also just asked when I was going to make my first appointment and to remind him so he could put it in his phone. But that was it.

Follow up: did you consider abortion, adoption? How did your parents feel?

I did, there was one day before he died, a Friday. And he asked what was on my mind, so I told him that “I didn’t think I wanted to do this.” But he supported me, he just told me whatever I wanted to he supported, even though I knew that’s not what he wanted to do. Did you appreciate that support? Yeah I did, because he wasn’t being selfish, even though at that point he wanted the baby. I felt a little bad, because he wasn’t being selfish and I was. I was just thinking about my life. Adoption, No I didn’t want to bond and get attached, then just give away “my” baby. Because not everyone is comfortable with you being in the child’s life after, they could just take the baby and hope that you don’t change your mind during the grace period. For my parents, they wanted me to get an abortion. I told them I was pregnant right after I told them he had died. So, it was two bombshell at one time. That was there suggestion, for them that was their way of fixing the problem.

Did you think you were ready, are you even ready now?

No I knew I wasn’t ready. I think for a while I wished I could have stayed pregnant forever. Now I’m used to it, I’m fine with it as far a being a parent, for the most part. Do I want another one, NO! I do try to sneak in some me time, like while she’s in school or skip out of work early. Some days I do feel like I robbed myself of my 20’s. To make everyone else happy I do feel like I took a little piece of what would have made me happy away.

Biggest and toughest hurdle of being a young mom in 1 sentence.

Umm. For me the biggest and toughest hurdle right now, given my situation is trying to better myself. Trying to go to school fulltime and work fulltime, it’s especially hard because of how my family treats the whole having a child thing. Making me jump through hoops trying to find someone to watch her just so I can go to class.

So I'm interested in knowing how do you feel about the term "baby mama" and the implications that come with that?

Umm I’ll be honest the first time I heard someone call me the baby mama, it irritated me. Because the first thing that comes to mind are the stereotype of baby-mama and that’s not me. It wasn’t that they were doing it maliciously it was just how I took it because of what’s associated with the term. As far as the southern stereotype its; loud talking, unlady like, money hungry, content with being supported by someone, and just being a baby-mama.

What are the dreams that you have for yourself and your daughter?

Simply put for myself, I want to make her proud, I want to make my daughter proud. I want her to be proud to say that I’m her mother and that I did something with my life. For her: at this point in life I want her to be happy, first and foremost. And I just want her to be successful in her life and learn as much as she can!

Extras from the interview; 


But I’m thankful for it all though, because if it weren’t for my daughter I don’t think I would have gone back to school and be trying to better myself. Like the current job that I have, if it were just me, I would be able to make it on my own. But because of her I now understand what it means to be a role model and to set a better example. 


Reactions:

3 comments:

Rum-Punch Drunk said...

A real nice honest, upfront interview. This young woman has a chance to be more than successful in life. She is doing all the right things in order to make her life better. Just don't give up regardless to what anyone has to say. It is extremely hard to balance school, work, baby etc but at least you are trying. Having a child is a huge responsibility and yes, I'm afraid having to jump through hoops for people to babysit is just that.

Continue to set a better example as you stated, you never know who is watching you and what good impact you may have on other people's life, ie: family, friends, work colleagues etc.

Natelege said...

This is heavy and real. I appreciate that you took the time to give this young woman a voice. She has gone through alot, especially since the father of her child died right before she had the baby. I am glad that she has taken responsibility for her actions. Children must be raised and in the end I believe as long as she continues to try to pursue a positive outlook on life she can have the life she wants.

Anonymous said...

Thanks a lot for sharing your story. Really appreciate it.