Inside of Me.

If you looked at me you wouldn't be able to decipher the real emotions inside. It would be hard for you to tell if the smile on my face was naturally genuine or there just so you won't ask any questions. If you looked at me you wouldn't be able to tell that I have my own problems that weigh me down. If you looked at me you wouldn't be able to tell that I have fears, that I won't amount to everything expected of me. 

If you looked at me you wouldn't be able to tell that my biggest fear in life is failure. If you saw me during the day  you wouldn't be able to tell that I think about you daily. That when I hear certain songs, do certain things, sleep a particular way, I think about you. That parts of me still wishes we were together with the good and bad times. If you looked me you wouldn't know that sometimes I don't see myself being as smart as you might. That while I know I'm educated, I don't always think I can do it. 

If you looked at my relationships, you wouldn't know that I've only had three serious relationships, that in two of them I loved, and for two of them, I cried over. If you looked at me you wouldn't know that I tend to put my feelings and pains aside to support you. You wouldn't know that I fight my own inner demons, but I can't show you. 

I have to be strong for those around me. You wouldn't know that at times I just wish I had an ear to speak to, arms to be hugged by, and a shoulder to cry on. You wouldn't know that at times I feel lonely, that I too get sad, that there is much a can handle, but just as much that knocks me down. 

If you looked at me, you wouldn't be able to tell, so I just won't tell you.